Conquered : Mario Kart Wii

Like I said, I started this off light. After getting all those first place trophies, I would like to use the word mediocre. A definite staple to any gamers collection, Mario Kart Wii is fun for any level gamer, but offers a challenge to those who are looking for it.

The Story :
It's Mario Kart. You fill the role of whoever you think best, and pummel your enemies with an arsenal derived from a lost and found bin (from hell).

Straight from the Devil's ballsack.

Graphics, Sound, Atmosphere Etc. : In the future I plan on doing these categories seperately (for most games) but this is a classic mario game. It feels, sounds and looks like a mario game. The music is catchy and adds to the gameplay, speeding up when a situation is pressing and meeting the mood of the level (spooky, beachy, ranbowy etc.) The graphics are your run of the mill modern mario graphics. Each level lends itself wholly to the game, having obstacles and backdrops that create the perfect atmosphere.


Controls and Gameplay : Something new that Mario Kart Wii brings to the board is the wii-mote. Thanks to the wii-mote, players move away from joysticks and get to mimic driving by using the wii-mote as a steering wheel. I actually prefer this over a joystick, but it does have one drawback. Occasionally, the sensor in the wii-mote got flipped around (I'm probably wrong, but it seemed like it was something along these lines) which would cause your character to turn the wrong way on the map. This was extremely annoying and usually resulted in your position dropping to the back of the line. Other than that, controls are simple and effective.

As far as the gameplay goes, I felt like Mario Kart Wii kept up with its fore fathers with a running theme of CHEAP. Of course, it's always fun to get that blue shell when you are playing with your buddies, but when you are playing with the computer, it all goes out the window. Actually, I'm pretty convinced the computer purposely gave you crappy items so it could win. Don't get me wrong, weapon distribution based on position in the race was mostly fair. Racers in the rear got items to help them boost to the front, and those holding the lead got what they needed to play defense, but.....it was still cheap as China. There were several times I found myself stuck in the back of the line, and I was depending heavily on items to get me back in the lead. I would see two racers ahead of me snag boxes, and use something awesome such as the giant bullet, a star or a nice blue shell. Nope, instead I get a triple boost. That's it, three mushrooms that help me gain about 20 feet on my current position. This happened all too often. If it wasn't something along these lines, it would be the seemingly generous golden mushroom, that boasted temporary infinite boost. Of course, the second you start using it, you realize you are on a map so full of twists, turns and unboarded roads that you were going to do nothing but fly straight off the map and into the back of the pack.

Turds. These things are turds.

Although I hated this cheapness at first.....and still hate it, I do love how much of a challenge it created. This lead to the creation of strategy in a game as simple as Mario Kart Wii!

Maps (err....tracks) : One thing that disappointed me was the lack of original  maps Kart Wii brought to the board. It is very cool to see retro tracks refitted with new graphics and such, but come on. I wanted more new, and more original. Also, to me, Rainbow Road was a complete letdown. It LOOKED pretty, of course, but it was just.....lacking. That, and at times it is near impossible to stay on the road. Occassionaly, I'll play this game with my girlfriend, and the look of anger that comes over her face when we see the map come up is hilarious, but in truth my laughing is hiding the fear inside.

Think prettier.

Characters : Kart Wii has the greatest loadout of characters. Players will have no problem choosing their favorite, but if they do Kart Wii has added an awesome unlockable feater : you can play as your mii! (If you want to hear the greatest sound effects ever, play as your mii. Hilarity ensues.)

Summary : Mario Kart Wii earns its spot as a Nintendo Classic. As I said, it's both fun and challenging. Playing it to beat it caused me to look at it in a whole new way. The first two rounds, 50 and 100 cc, are pretty simple. 150 cc is where you'll start to grind your teeth. There's an actual battle for first place. It's not unusual to have to drive through a pile of smashed up karts to get to first place, only to lose it a few seconds later. I thoroughly enjoyed Kart Wii, and it was a good, light game to start this journey off with.

One last bit, there are tons of unlockables. Once you earn all the gold trophys in circuit, you can race in mirror mode. There are plenty of unlockable characters and karts, and there's several other game modes to play. 

Favorite Map : Bowsers Castle in the Lightning Cup Circuit.
Favorite Character : Koopa Troopa
Greatest Moment of Triumph : Anytime I fucked Peach up.
Biggest Annoyance : The computer really, really doesn't want you to win.

I owned you. All of you.

Final Say :
This game is no rotten bananas. You can have fun with it, or turn it into a big challenge, so enjoy!